A Tour Of Empty Theatres.

Right.

 So.

 I am writing a new show which I’m going to tour in November. Here’s the blurb.

Dot. Dot. Dot.

A new show for empty theatres.

I have not been operating within the guidelines and I have not been guided by the science and I have not come out the other side stronger or wiser or better for the experience. I didn’t eat out to help out and I didn’t become a parent and I have not made use of a reciprocal travel corridor. I haven’t moved out of London and I haven’t volunteered for anything and I haven’t attended a socially distanced outdoor performance of Educating Rita.  I didn’t keep going to work and I didn’t work remotely and I did not use this time to work on my physique. I haven’t done laps of my garden and I haven’t put myself in harms way and I have done nothing to support the British hospitality industry. I did not miss out on medical treatment. I did not learn a language. I did not postpone a wedding. I did not book a staycation in Cornwall or the Lakes or somewhere on the Kent coast. I didn’t march and I didn’t go swimming and I didn’t get tested and I did not “read more”. I’ve not been on a boat. I’ve not been shielding, I’ve not been struggling with childcare, I’ve not been playing football on Tuesdays, I’ve not been killed and I’ve not been attending gatherings of up to six households. I haven’t lost my job, I haven’t attended a funeral, I haven’t used a foodbank and I haven’t touched my parents since Christmas.

Daniel Kitson presents his account of six ridiculous and devastating months, experienced largely from a safe distance, almost immediately misremembered and retold here so inaccurately as to be, very nearly fictional. Conceived and written specifically to be performed in and streamed from empty theatres with audience capacity limited to that of each venue, this will hopefully be a lot more fun than it sounds.

So there you go. 

For the avoidance of doubt, these shows will be performed in and streamed from empty theatres with tickets limited to the capacity of each venue meaning that people will be able to watch from anywhere in the country or indeed the world as long as they are awake at the right time and have bought a ticket.

Now, obviously, whilst theatres continue to be, largely, buggered, there are, currently, moves towards reopening in socially distanced formations and reduced capacities and so on and some of you may be thinking

 “Hang on big guy* I’ve had my fill of streams, I’m absolutely honking** to be in the same room as the Dan Dan Man*** and the regs**** say its ticketty dicketty*****, so what gives?”

 So, there’s a combination of factors here, I’ve been excited by the potential of this idea since late July and to be honest, it feels like a unique opportunity to make something new specifically for this particular and odd context, rather than produce a compromised version of something else. And whilst most venues are understandably keen to get work and audiences back into the building, in whatever way they can, this idea puts a live show in the space, means the theatre can sell tickets to full capacity and also keeps the stuff accessible to those of us who are either unable to attend in person or uneasy with the idea of doing so but still want to experience stuff and support venues.

 A couple of important things. Firstly, please buy one ticket per person rather than, per household -  the show is still being written and may develop in a direction where it is best experienced individually on individual devices. Secondly, the way this will work is that you’ll receive an email upon booking to confirm your tickets, you’ll then receive a second email a few days before the show giving you some technical advice, should you need it and then, on the day of the show, an hour before the performance, you’ll receive a third email containing a link to the stream and a password. You go to the link, you enter the password and that’s it.

 All tickets will be £10 (except the previews at The Trades Club in Hebden Bridge which are £7) and go on sale Monday September 14th, at noon, UK time.

 Here are the dates and relevant links for tickets/more information.

PREVIEWS

These shows will be rickety and not quite finished but shouldn’t be absolutely awful.

Trades Club, Hebden Bridge – October 26th ,27th ,28th

 https://thetradesclub.com/dkddd

TOUR

Royal Lyceum Theatre Edinburgh – November 1st and 2nd –

https://lyceum.org.uk/whats-on/production/daniel-kitson-dot-dot-dot

Everyman Theatre, Liverpool -  November 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th  -

https://www.everymanplayhouse.com/whats-on/dot.-dot.-dot.

Theatr Clywd, Mold – November 8th,

https://www.theatrclwyd.com/event/dot-dot-dot

The Playhouse, Nottingham – November 9th

https://www.nottinghamplayhouse.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/dot-dot-dot-daniel-kitson/

The Old Market, Brighton – November 11th, 12th, 13th, 14th

https://www.theoldmarket.com/shows/daniel-kitson-dot-dot-dot

The Lawrence Batley Theatre, Huddersfield – November 16th, 17th

https://www.thelbt.org/shows/daniel-kitson-dot-dot-dot/

Tobacco Factory Theatres, Bristol – November 19th, 20th, 21st

 https://tobaccofactorytheatres.com/shows/daniel-kitsons-dot-dot-dot

Home, Manchester – November 24th, 25th, 26th

https://homemcr.org/production/dot-dot-dot/

Torch Theatre, Milford Haven – November 27th

https://www.torchtheatre.co.uk/dot-dot-dot/

So that’s it.

I’m quite excited by it all, to be honest. 

One final thing, I was also talking to the Stephen Joseph Theatre in Scarborough about this tour, but in the end decided that I’d rather make something specific for the round rather than trying to restage this show, so hopefully there’ll be something happening early next year both there and potentially, in the Royal Exchange in Manchester in the meantime, both of those theatres are amazing places very much worthy of your support.

Right.

Done.

* Thank you.

** Eager/Keen

*** Daniel Kitson.

**** Regulations

***** Boo.