A Show For Christmas.

Written and Performed by Daniel Kitson.

It’s 4.52pm on Wednesday the twenty fourth of December when Pollyanna Plunket, briefly distracted by opening a bag of toffees – glances away from the road for no more than a second only to find, upon looking back that an old man, , from nowhere made his way to the middle of the street. She hits the horn, the man turns, she stamps hard on the brakes and whilst the vehicle, a mid sized motorhome – does slow down, it does not stop. Skidding on, over glistening black tarmac, careering into the old man –making no visible attempt to move - rooted to the spot, bent over under the weight of a battered red bag - the inevitable impact flips him up over the bonnet and into the windscreen – his eyes oddly calm as they meet hers for a moment before he slumps down the glass, rolling back off the bonnet and out of sight.

A story about Possibility, Magic, Grief, Hope, Tradition and Toffees.

 Christmas, basically.

In 2014 Daniel Kitson was asked by Shelley Hastings at the Battersea Arts Centre if he might want to write a Christmas show and, much to his surprise, he did.  It was performed that Christmas for five nights, in the Grand Hall at BAC and for fourteen nights the following Christmas at the Connelly Theatre in New York before touring the UK in December of 2017.

This December, to mark the release of the story on Vinyl, CD and Cassette, the show will be restaged for quite possibly the final time in the extremely lovely surroundings of the Alexendra Palace Theatre.

TICKETS FROM LINK BELOW:

A Show For Christmas.

Written and Performed by Daniel Kitson.

It’s 4.52pm on Wednesday the twenty fourth of December when Pollyanna Plunket, briefly distracted by opening a bag of toffees – glances away from the road for no more than a second only to find, upon looking back that an old man, , from nowhere made his way to the middle of the street. She hits the horn, the man turns, she stamps hard on the brakes and whilst the vehicle, a mid sized motorhome – does slow down, it does not stop. Skidding on, over glistening black tarmac, careering into the old man –making no visible attempt to move - rooted to the spot, bent over under the weight of a battered red bag - the inevitable impact flips him up over the bonnet and into the windscreen – his eyes oddly calm as they meet hers for a moment before he slumps down the glass, rolling back off the bonnet and out of sight.

A story about Possibility, Magic, Grief, Hope, Tradition and Toffees.

 Christmas, basically.

In 2014 Daniel Kitson was asked by Shelley Hastings at the Battersea Arts Centre if he might want to write a Christmas show and, much to his surprise, he did.  It was performed that Christmas for five nights, in the Grand Hall at BAC and for fourteen nights the following Christmas at the Connelly Theatre in New York before touring the UK in December of 2017.

This December, to mark the release of the story on Vinyl, CD and Cassette, the show will be restaged for quite possibly the final time in the extremely lovely surroundings of the Alexendra Palace Theatre.

TICKETS FROM LINK BELOW:

A Show For Christmas.

Written and Performed by Daniel Kitson.

It’s 4.52pm on Wednesday the twenty fourth of December when Pollyanna Plunket, briefly distracted by opening a bag of toffees – glances away from the road for no more than a second only to find, upon looking back that an old man, , from nowhere made his way to the middle of the street. She hits the horn, the man turns, she stamps hard on the brakes and whilst the vehicle, a mid sized motorhome – does slow down, it does not stop. Skidding on, over glistening black tarmac, careering into the old man –making no visible attempt to move - rooted to the spot, bent over under the weight of a battered red bag - the inevitable impact flips him up over the bonnet and into the windscreen – his eyes oddly calm as they meet hers for a moment before he slumps down the glass, rolling back off the bonnet and out of sight.

A story about Possibility, Magic, Grief, Hope, Tradition and Toffees.

 Christmas, basically.

In 2014 Daniel Kitson was asked by Shelley Hastings at the Battersea Arts Centre if he might want to write a Christmas show and, much to his surprise, he did.  It was performed that Christmas for five nights, in the Grand Hall at BAC and for fourteen nights the following Christmas at the Connelly Theatre in New York before touring the UK in December of 2017.

This December, to mark the release of the story on Vinyl, CD and Cassette, the show will be restaged for quite possibly the final time in the extremely lovely surroundings of the Alexendra Palace Theatre.

TICKETS FROM LINK BELOW:

I dislike audience participation.

I think It’s creatively bankrupt, ethically questionable and if I see it mentioned in the blurb for a show, I will not attend due to moral objections and/or personal discomfort.

Anyway.

I’ve written something about that and it’s got 303 parts.

So…

This is the second staging of a new and irregularly developing show by Daniel Kitson, conceived specifically to be performed in the round and then rewritten a bit for each particular venue.

I dislike audience participation.

I think It’s creatively bankrupt, ethically questionable and if I see it mentioned in the blurb for a show, I will not attend due to moral objections and/or personal discomfort.

Anyway.

I’ve written something about that and it’s got 303 parts.

So…

This is the second staging of a new and irregularly developing show by Daniel Kitson, conceived specifically to be performed in the round and then rewritten a bit for each particular venue.

I dislike audience participation.

I think It’s creatively bankrupt, ethically questionable and if I see it mentioned in the blurb for a show, I will not attend due to moral objections and/or personal discomfort.

Anyway.

I’ve written something about that and it’s got 303 parts.

So…

This is the second staging of a new and irregularly developing show by Daniel Kitson, conceived specifically to be performed in the round and then rewritten a bit for each particular venue.

I dislike audience participation.

I think It’s creatively bankrupt, ethically questionable and if I see it mentioned in the blurb for a show, I will not attend due to moral objections and/or personal discomfort.

Anyway.

I’ve written something about that and it’s got 303 parts.

So…

This is the second staging of a new and irregularly developing show by Daniel Kitson, conceived specifically to be performed in the round and then rewritten a bit for each particular venue.

I dislike audience participation.

I think It’s creatively bankrupt, ethically questionable and if I see it mentioned in the blurb for a show, I will not attend due to moral objections and/or personal discomfort.

Anyway.

I’ve written something about that and it’s got 303 parts.

So…

This is the second staging of a new and irregularly developing show by Daniel Kitson, conceived specifically to be performed in the round and then rewritten a bit for each particular venue.

I dislike audience participation.

I think It’s creatively bankrupt, ethically questionable and if I see it mentioned in the blurb for a show, I will not attend due to moral objections and/or personal discomfort.

Anyway.

I’ve written something about that and it’s got 303 parts.

So…

This is the second staging of a new and irregularly developing show by Daniel Kitson, conceived specifically to be performed in the round and then rewritten a bit for each particular venue.

This is a streamed performance.


I don’t believe in Ghosts and I’ve never been comfortable with (or really, any good at) frightening people.

One Halloween, maybe forty years ago, me, my mum and my brother turned off every light in the house and waited just inside the front door, for my dad to get home from work so we could frighten him. We’d made frightening lanterns from turnips and we’d learned a frightening song about witches.

But when my Dad walked in he wasn’t frightened. 

He was, if anything, visibly relieved.  

Apparently, having found the house in complete darkness he’d immediately been concerned as to the whereabouts and wellbeing of his family. Which meant that opening the door to find his sons waggling candle lit turnips and singing about being witches was, actually, quite close to comforting.  Later, he said he’d been worried by all the lights being off and I felt bad about causing that worry.

I still do. 


Originally written and performed last year for 2 nights over Halloween at the Globe Theatre, and restaged this year for one week only, amidst the singular majesty of Wilton's Music Hall, this is a uniquely seasonal show by Daniel Kitson that is definitely funny, possibly frightening and maybe, just maybe, a ghost story.

As part of its run at Wilton's, one performance of Maybe A Ghost Story will be streamed live from the empty hall. Tickets for the stream will be available until 6.30pm on Tuesday 31st October. All bookers will then be emailed their access details for the streamed performance prior to the 9.30pm event, after which the stream will remain available to ticket-holders for 48 hours.

TICKETS AVAILABLE:- HERE

Daniel Kitson with or near Gavin Osborn.

The two greatest footballers of their generation are returning to the site of their greatest collaborative triumphs to do another thing.*

* Full Disclosure: Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years and Gavin recently got a 9-5 job in the charity sector. So, currently, as things stand, at time of writing, it’s entirely unclear what the “thing” they do will be. It may involve them both being on stage at the same time, winking at each other and giggling or it could just as easily involve them taking turns to do a nice little dance for everyone.  But whatever the “thing” ends up being, this much is certain - Some bits of it will be funny and some bits of it will be lovely and some bits of it will probably be sad. Gavin will sing some songs (presumably from his new album), Daniel will do some talking or reading out loud (ideas, swearwords, apologies etc.) and of course, as always, the unique beauty of the venue will do quite a bit of heavy lifting.

Lovely.

Daniel Kitson with or near Gavin Osborn.

The two greatest footballers of their generation are returning to the site of their greatest collaborative triumphs to do another thing.*

* Full Disclosure: Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years and Gavin recently got a 9-5 job in the charity sector. So, currently, as things stand, at time of writing, it’s entirely unclear what the “thing” they do will be. It may involve them both being on stage at the same time, winking at each other and giggling or it could just as easily involve them taking turns to do a nice little dance for everyone.  But whatever the “thing” ends up being, this much is certain - Some bits of it will be funny and some bits of it will be lovely and some bits of it will probably be sad. Gavin will sing some songs (presumably from his new album), Daniel will do some talking or reading out loud (ideas, swearwords, apologies etc.) and of course, as always, the unique beauty of the venue will do quite a bit of heavy lifting.

Lovely.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

Daniel Kitson with or near Gavin Osborn.

The two greatest footballers of their generation are returning to the site of their greatest collaborative triumphs to do another thing.*

* Full Disclosure: Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years and Gavin recently got a 9-5 job in the charity sector. So, currently, as things stand, at time of writing, it’s entirely unclear what the “thing” they do will be. It may involve them both being on stage at the same time, winking at each other and giggling or it could just as easily involve them taking turns to do a nice little dance for everyone.  But whatever the “thing” ends up being, this much is certain - Some bits of it will be funny and some bits of it will be lovely and some bits of it will probably be sad. Gavin will sing some songs (presumably from his new album), Daniel will do some talking or reading out loud (ideas, swearwords, apologies etc.) and of course, as always, the unique beauty of the venue will do quite a bit of heavy lifting.

Lovely.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

I (Daniel Kitson) am going to be compering a bill which includes, Fern Brady, Phil Wang, Suzi Ruffell and the absolutely wonderful John Kearns.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

Daniel Kitson with or near Gavin Osborn.

The two greatest footballers of their generation are returning to the site of their greatest collaborative triumphs to do another thing.*

* Full Disclosure: Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years and Gavin recently got a 9-5 job in the charity sector. So, currently, as things stand, at time of writing, it’s entirely unclear what the “thing” they do will be. It may involve them both being on stage at the same time, winking at each other and giggling or it could just as easily involve them taking turns to do a nice little dance for everyone.  But whatever the “thing” ends up being, this much is certain - Some bits of it will be funny and some bits of it will be lovely and some bits of it will probably be sad. Gavin will sing some songs (presumably from his new album), Daniel will do some talking or reading out loud (ideas, swearwords, apologies etc.) and of course, as always, the unique beauty of the venue will do quite a bit of heavy lifting.

Lovely.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.

Daniel Kitson – Outside.

Daniel hasn’t been on stage for over two years.

And, to be entirely honest, he’s not really missed it.

It is, however, his actual job and everyone’s gone back to work now. So, he’s picked out a comfy pen, bought a new notebook and booked himself a summers worth of outdoor shows to find out whether he can still do his job and what, if anything, he has to say to large groups of people he doesn’t know.

Please note: What with the two year gap and the lack of practice this entire tour will be, to a greater or lesser extent, work in progress and the shows are likely to be relatively rickety affairs. But on the up side, they will sometimes feature support and/or collaboration from Gavin Osborn (when his schedule allows) and Daniel’s already written the question “Do worms feel fear?” in his new notebook, so we should be okay.

Also, if it gets boring – you can just use the time to look at the sky and feel small.